An Example

Well, well, well. Here I am while I should be at work. See? I already have an example to share with you from the present.

How to explain this clearly? . . . I guess I'll start by saying that everything started off fine tonight. I went to work, and I was doing okay. This week, we have worked ten hours every night. It has been exhausting, and I was glad to see Friday come, knowing that it was the last night of overtime. For the first few hours of work, everything was fine.

Now, to explain what happened, I need to let you know about my job. I key. Yep, as in data entry. Sitting for hours and hours and hours in front of a computer just staring and typing and typing and typing. It sucks. Fortunately, I listen to my mp3 player to make the time go faster, but it still bores me to death.

Anyway, everyone at work is not working on the exact same "job"--that is to say, we are all divided into groups who each work on a specific project. My project is special. Only about four people in the entire department work on this project. And tonight, we ran out of work.

So I got excited and thought I would get to leave early. That was sooooo appealing, but a short-lived little fantasy. As soon as I informed my boss that I was out of work to do, she told me I had to go sit with some other person and learn how to work on a different project. Now, this is not a bad thing, in and of itself. But let me point something out.

Almost EVERYONE else at work is on the main project. On nights, in the past, that those people ran out of work to do, they all got up and left. I remember some nights that people left after only being at work for three hours, but my ass sat there for five more hours with about three other people and did our project. But, for once, MY people run out of work, and we're told we have to learn the main project like everyone else.

So I flipped.

Well, I didn't flip completely. I seethed. I sat with the trainer and seethed silently. The things I was thinking, the focus it took to stop my hands from shaking, the crazy things I was stopping myself from saying--all of it, crazy, crazy, crazy. I nearly ran up to my boss and yelled at her to tell her what bullshit this was and how I was gonna blow the place up and blah blah blah, you get the idea.

But I took some deep breaths, and listened to the trainer, and worked on the main project.

So, for two hours, I tried doing some of the work on the main project. It sucked. But I was doing okay. I had calmed myself down and accepted the fact that I still had many more hours to go.

Then suddenly, with no warning, I decided I was leaving. I just got up and left.

What the hell? Do you see why this makes no sense?

And here I am, at home, typing THIS instead of typing at work, where I'm supposed to be.

Now, to be clear, leaving early is allowed, you just can't leave too many times or you get written up. And the guy next to me left, too, right about the time I did, so it's not like I was the only one. But the main thing is, I didn't tell my boss I was leaving. That's what worries me. I just vanished. Not good. Not good at all.

I'm sure I still have a job, and I'm sure things will be fine, but now I feel shitty about how I freaked out, then got better, then just spontaneously flipped and left. That's not good. I know my medication is working, but I shouldn't be doing things like that.

What else can I say?